hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
