He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
