I think I died a long time ago.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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