Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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