legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
