Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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