Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Randomize
