I saw his package. It spoke to me.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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