I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
