You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
