He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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