my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
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Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
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I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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