tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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