I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
