You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
True strength comes from lack of pants
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
