im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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