I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
