My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
