He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
