You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
