TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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