The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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