Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
