Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
