Small penises have feelings too.
now i know why i became what i already was.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
