He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
