I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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