Apparently you make a good broom.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
