my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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