So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
