If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
