Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
