Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
