She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She even gives head with a lisp.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
