I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
