My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
