feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
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Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
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Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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