I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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