My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
