Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
