It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
