I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
