I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
im holly from the hills drunk
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
