There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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