Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
