Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
