When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
