he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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