Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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