Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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