just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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