I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
