I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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