It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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