the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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