people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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