I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
