Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
