chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
