woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
