you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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