Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
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