I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
