the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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