I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
