That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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