I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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