i dedicated my morning wood to you.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
