I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
