My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
