I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
