my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
