hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
