I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
