i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
