There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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