Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
