Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
