So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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