Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
