just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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