you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
